Dad why am I sick?
by francismom
Summary: Sometimes we need something bad so we can remember the good things in our lives. Sometimes just a small thing can destroy our life but depend of us if we let that small thing win. Limp¡Sam.Sick¡Sam. Worried¡John and Worried¡Dean. HIATUS
1. 1 Ball pain and true

Hello, so I'm italian and my english is a really mess, so please be good with me, I really hope this story is good for you, please...ok??

**Is a wee¡¡chester story I'm obssesed with little Dean and little Sammy. This story is close to my experience and feelings towards this sicknes and all the treatment.**

Disclamer: I'm nor owner of Supernatural or Dean or Sammy or their dad, I'm just playing and trying to write a story.

**Chapter 1**. **Balls, test and true.**

Without too much noise and slowly he lifts his pajama evading the pain that in the last days have appeared in his chest and back.

Sammy is in his bathroom and looking in the mirror, lately he has been feeling some weird balls in his chest and stomach, in the beginning he asked to one of his classmates if was possible have balls in the body and the answer was _no, how can you even ask that?,_ so for that Sam knows that little balls in his body are not normal and less normal is the pain his body is right now. He is ten years old, he is a big boy, he is not a baby anymore and he can take care of himself, which can no be so hard if Dean takes care of both of them.

Looking closely his reflection in the mirror, he can see a big and horrible bruise in all the skin on his spine.

He feels a suddenly a wave of dizziness and everything is blurry, and now he is not so sure that he can be a big boy, he just wants his daddy and his brother. So he tries to walk towards the door which is moving too much for his liking, he stop and shuffled over unsteadily his head pounding again and calls his dad.

"Dad…¡¡DAD¡¡" He ignored the overwhelming dizziness that was washing over him.

He can hear his dad's voice but can't make the words, he falls to the floor, all is so hot and in the same time so cold, and he wants sleep, so he just close his eyes and…

"Sam? Sam?" _Dad?_ "Son Open you eyes, Sam¡¡" _NO I wanna sleep¡¡_ "SAM¡¡¡¡" _God...O K...he has bad mood today._

Sam opens his eyes and is surprised in see his dad's worried face and he is calling for someone. His mind is all foggy he can't see right and his chest is killing him, he can't breath and his arms are heavy.

"Dad" Sam said, _wow my voice is all weird_. "D-ad" God that pain in his chest again.

"Is going to be ok Sammy, just breath with me OK? Just breathe Sammy and don't close your eyes. OK?" His dad is worried he knows that_, but why_? What is happening, he can't breathe or see fine and the pain in his chest and his back. He is so cold.

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Sam is so pale, his breathing and pulse steady but so pale and still, he has been unconscious since they took him to the hospital three days ago. The doctors are making test for verify their suspicions about what is wrong with his son. The simply idea about his son so ill makes him terrified. Sammy is just ten years old, he is a good boy, always full of energy and never being quiet, so now is so hard see him like this completely out and hot for the high fever that now is going down.

He found Sammy is the floor almost passed out; he was crying in pain and wasn't breathing right. He tried to talk to him but his son losing conscience very fast and his breathing was becoming more irregular , while he tried to calm Sam Dean called an ambulance, his older was terrified and almost crying, but when the ambulance arrived Sam wasn't awake anymore, the paramedics took him and said that something wasn't right with his heart.

After some test and X-rays they found a large mass that is making pressure in the chest and back, is on the heart and touching the lungs. When John heard that he knew what that was, but he just didn't want believe it yet. He is waiting for the biopsy.

He is here with Dean who is almost so pale like his younger, Dean hasn't sleep in the last few days and hasn't get out of the hospital since his brother is here. John told him about Sam's test, Dean didn't said anything at first, but when the entered Sam's bedroom his tears felled out, he is so scares for his brother, because to him he always is going to be a baby.

"Mr. Winchester?" The doctor's voice gets John to reality. "I need talk to you, please."

John knows are bad news. "Ok. Dean, wait here". And Dean just nods.

Out of the room, John's mind is flying now, so many thoughts, and any pleasant.

"Mr. Winchester, we had the result of the biopsy". John's heart is beating faster and faster that he can hear it. "I'm sorry, the mass and his size indicate a lymphoma disease"

"What...What that means?" John don't want to hear the answer, he just want all this to disappear.

"Your son has cancer Mr. Winchester. It could be curable if the treatment start now. It already has spread to your son's right lung and stomach, and the tumor is making a big pressure in his heart and that can cause a heart attack or a collapse to one of his lungs"

John stopped reasoning the minute the word cancer left the doctor's mouth, his baby has cancer, and his baby can die. _A mass, heart attack, collapse…_God his baby boy.

"What…How bad it is? ...you said heart attack?" John can't even talk.

"The true is that like a said the cancer has spread to other parts of Sam's body. If the treatment starts now the cancer cell can be attacked and the possibilities of recover are higher."

"What kind of treatment" john wants to know, because he thinks is only one thing that will put his baby in more pain and is….

"Chemotherapy" Yes that will be more pain and tears for Sam and nothing pleasant for him and Dean. "Is the only way apart of radiation?" The doctor can see the agony in John's eyes, is never easy say when a patient has cancer, but is more difficult when the patient is a child because they can't really understands what is happening in their bodies and all the changes and pain. "Look, now Sam has a fever and is very weak, so the best for now is waiting until the fever is gone and your son takes new energy and can take the treatment. So go with your son Mr. Winchester. If you have more questions just call me ok?" The doctor left.

_OK??? No is not ok,_ his son has cancer how can something be ok? Sammy, his bright light is so sick. How can that be possible, cancer and is spreading, the danger and complications that can be with the chemo, his heart and lungs are weak. How can he explain to his son hat is wrong with him? How can he tells him that he has cancer, a deadly disease which can kill him, well he won't tell the part of kill and die and Dean is going to know, Dean always know everything when is about his brother, and for that he knows that Sammy will be living in total pain for the next few months about the treatment and the sickness but Dean will be in pain too just for love to his brother. His older son can be almost fifteenth years old, but when is about his little brother, he can have like forty. And because of that he just doesn't know how tell Dean this.


	2. 2 What is happening Dad?

**Chapter 2. What is happening Dad?**

The fever finally is gone and now they are waiting. John has told Dean everything the doctor said, his eldest son went in to panic saying that all was a lie, Sammy is not sick he couldn't die, that it wasn't cancer, but inside Dean knew it was true. He walked to the bathroom and stayed in there for like an hour and come out with his eyes all red and bloodshot.

Dean and John are in each side of the bed, looking the younger face, nothing has changed, just the sweat is gone with the fever, but the paleness and sigh of pain are still in his face.

Dean is crying silently, as the warm tears tracked down his face he felt the slight movement of Sam's hand in his and he looks up, his breath hitching in his throat. John who is in the other side watched as his son frowned, his head moving to the side slowly as he groaned.

"Sam? Sammy, can you hear me?" John said leaning over Sam as he mumbled, his eyelids fluttering. Dean squeezed his hand gently Sam's eyelids fluttered again before opening, revealing a pair of tired, glazed eyes.

Sam frowned again, closing his eyes and moaning weakly. He wants to move his hand but something is holding him down, he doesn't know where he is, he can see black walls and hear a funny beeping in his right side. Sam is trying to remember what happened, why is he in this place where is Dean and his father?

"Shhhh…relax Sammy you are ok" He knows that voice

"Da-D-ad" Sam raped out. He blinks again his vision is all blurry. And there in front of him is his dad and his brother. "Da-d, What..." The pain in his chest is back

Dean is close to tears again, he is holding his little brother hand, hearing Sammy trying to talk and breathing hard is breaking him, he can see the pain and all for that dammed tumor.

"Sammy, take deep breath, ok? Breath with me Sammy in and out yea in and out" Dean tries to calm him down.

John touches the call button after his son gives him a small smile, that smile is so perfect. A nice nurse enters the room.

"Yes Mr. Winches… Ou we have an awake friend" She said with a smile, she checks his vitals. "I'll call his doctor, excuse me." The nurse walked out tried to smile but she just knows that his smiles won't make any difference in the agony and desolation the family is feeling in those moments.

"Hey Sammy, how are you feeling bro?" Dean asks because the idea of his little brother uncomfortable makes him mad.

"Hurts" Sammy rasped out again. John looks in the room for water, and with gently movements he lifts his son's head so he can drink a little.

"What? What hurts Sammy, your head?" John asks after Sam is finished. He knows what is hurting, chest, back, head and probably stomach.

"My chest. Dad what happened? Is a hospital?" Sam now can talk better his throat is not dry. Sam can be just ten years old but he knows when something is not right, most part of the time, he can see that his family is looking him kind of funny but something scares him, their eyes are all red and Dean never cry and his dad more that less, so something is going on.

"Dad what is happening?" Sam asks his father, but looking Dean.

John takes a deep breath. "You have been sick Sammy, you passed out in the house, and now the fever is gone" _Please Sammy don't ask me, please son_. John is pleading. He doesn't want to say it gain to his son.

Everything is coming to Sam now, the mirror…the balls, his backs…his spine…the dizziness, his chest was hurting and then his lungs were so closed…and confusion.

Sam is silent and Dean knows he is remembering what happened, now will be the time to say the horrible and painful true. They are waiting for the question first.

"Why?" And there is, Sammy asks that so innocent and John wants to cry.

"Dad. Dad what is wrong with me?" Sam wants to know because they are so still and his dad looks like is going to cry. What can be so bad that makes his dad and his brother, two super hunters that can kill any spirit and ugly demon, cry and look so wasted?

John doesn't want to say it, the moment that words let his mouth all will be entire true, will be a horrible reality. But his son has to know, so like that he can begin that treatment and he can get better, because Sammy is going to get better, another choice is not accepted.

"Son, uhh look. You have been here for almost four days." John is sited in Sam's bed holding both of his hands and Dean is listening with his eyes closed.

John continues after Sam nods. "The doctor made some test and well they showed that something in your body is like a mass and is making you sick, ok?'" John has to ask for win time and not show the lump in his throat.

"Ok dad" Sammy tiny voice said. He is scares now because his dad is almost crying and the hold in his hand is more intense. "Ok dad, ok". He smiles.

"Good, now listen to me fine. Uhhh… that mass is not good, so the doctors are going to give you medicines so like that the mass will be…uhh killed" Ok…he is going fine. John has half of the information out. He has to say all now. Or later.

"They have to kill something inside of me? That balls in my back?" Sammy is asking while he is trying to frown. And he is surprise when Dean makes like a moan and is now next to him touching his left elbow.

"Yes Sammy that balls are making your lung and heart more slow, but after it is dead, you'll be fine". _Or I hope so_. Dean answers that question, Sammy is just a kid and he is so good, why this is happening. His little brother is like the angel that just gives happiness and always is smiling and eating and running and talking, but all that can changes.

"Are many medicines and are painful? Because I hate injections, are injections Dad, Dean?" Sam is scares now, he hates needles and pills, he runs away every time his dad or brother are trying to give him Tylenol.

_Yes will be many medicines, and many needles and to much hospital visits_. Dean is saying in his mind.

"Yes" His dad said simply." But are for your own good, they are going to make you feel a little tired and sick, but is for the best." _So you don't die baby_.

Needles, drugs, doctors, nurse, but if something is bad inside him, in Dean's too? And his dad? …wait…Sammy has another question:

"Dad, your chest is hurting too?" Sam just is asking because his chest is hurting really bad and his dad is always so strong, and he doesn't like the way his body is feeling.

John clears his throat, swallows a couple of time and looks his little son to the eyes. "No Sammy, my chest is not hurting, _physically_, your is hurting because you are sick. The pain will be with you, but Dean and me too, but every time you feel any kind of pain, you tell us ok?"

Sammy just nods. He trusts his daddy and brother. He is so tired and all his body hurts. They can do all perfect for him. His Dad and big brother are super.

"How many time will I have to take that drugs" Sammy said.

"Until those bad balls are dead son, is very hard to say when but when the treatment you'll be fine". Yes John is trying to convince his son and himself.

While they wait for the doctor, Dean takes the control of the TV and look to Sam.

"Uhh Sammy do you want to see some cartoons?" Dean asks and is warmed when his brother answers with one of his famous smile. He knows nothing is perfect and that the next few months will be hell but he is a big brother and his job will be make sure that Sammy is ok, comfortable and smiling.


	3. 3 What is Chemo?

**Hello, I really hope this chapter is good.**

I want to show how Sammy is feeling and what is he thinking. Aand all Dean and John' feeling before the chemo begging.

**Chpter 3. What is chemo?**

Dean is alone in the living room; his dad is making some arrangements in the phone with Pastor Jim and Caleb about money and a new house that can be appropriated and comfortable during Sammy's treatment, and Sammy is watching some cartoons in his room.

Sam was allowed to be in his house until the chemo begins. The pain in the chest and back is gone for now, but the paleness and the troubles breathing don't and that just makes Dean and John ask themselves what all the drugs in the chemo are going to make to Sam.

Dean knows what is cancer and what is going to happens now, he has see many movies and shows and commercial about that and the famous chemotherapy, just the idea of a pale, thin and bald Sammy, makes Dean wants to cry and run away.

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Sam got tired of the cartoons which was strange because he loves Batman and Animaniac, well true be told, for Sam all is very strange now since he woke up in the hospital the first time, he really doesn't understand why his father is so sad , so busy in the phone with Pastor Jim and calling to his school and talking with more doctor and reading some magazines talking about some seconds effects or why Dean is so weird making food so yucky and saying that is healthy and asking for his chest and his back and don't be allowed to run in his condition , and that is other thing weird, his condition? What condition? When the doctor were talking to them, well when the doctor were talking to his father and he just listened, he said that his condition was very susceptible and could change at any second, but What can changes?? Because to him all is fine nothing is broken and nothing is changing, except the possibility of moving to other home again. Sam says that maybe is all in his head like that monsters under the bed or Santa Claus. But why the pain in his chest and the appointment to some Chemo-something to the hospital for someone? What is chemo and why makes his dad so sad?

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Now all the three mans are sitting in the table having supper, tomorrow Sammy will have his first session and John knows that this can be the last meal in completely peace for the next few months.

"Dad, what is the Chemo" John and Dean almost chokes with their food.

"Dad? What is that?" Sam asks again because he really wants to know what can make his dad so sad and almost chokes with his food. He looks His dad with curious eyes.

John can't talk, his mind is in panic his soul in pain and his heart is beating fast.

¿Chemo? God he is beginning to hate that word next with cancer and disease. He has tried so hard this last week prevent that his little boy have contact with any of the things about his illness, his birthday was just a month ago, he is just ten years old, he is still a baby his baby and the thought that Sam will have to go through some many things and could still die is what makes him cry every nights after Sam's diagnosis. And now Sam is asking this? Why and for what? Knowing what is it won't change anything just will scares him.

"Where did you hear that, Sammy?" Dean asks after a long moment of silence. His little brother question shocked him, but someone has to answer it.

"I heard dad talking about that in the phone and I read it in some of your magazines Dean. Why that something bad?" Sam just wants an answer.

John has to talk, is his job. He puts his plate to the side, walks towards Sam, moves his chair, takes him in his arms and walks to the living room, and sits down in the sofa. Dean sees this with tears in his eyes and knows that his father is going to say to Sammy all.

John clears his throat and begging. "Ok Sammy chemotherapy is the treatment that is going to help you to get better, do you remember that I told you in the hospital that there drugs for kill that balls in you chest?...well all that drugs make parts of the chemo, that treatment uhhh, the chemo…is something that the doctors and nice nurses will be giving you, that medicines will make some changes in your body so you have to be careful and let us know if something is bad. Ok?" John said with a soft and sweet voice. Dean walks to his brothers with sad eyes and smiles sadly to hid father.

"Ok dad, but I hope is not painful." Sam said with a simile and hugs his dad. Not seeing the agony that passed for his father and brother's faces.

**TBC...**

**How was that?? Good?? Bad??**


	4. 4 First Time

Hello, again is me. Here is the new chapter, I hope is good. Thanks so much to **Still Awesome2009 **for be my new betta.

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**Chapter 4.First time**

Today is the first session, Sam is anxious because he doesn't know what is happening, today is Monday and is supposed to be a school day but his dad told him that he won't be back in the school for a long time because his sessions in the hospital. Now they are in the hospital, many kids are in there too, some of them have bandanas or hats in their heads and all are as pale as Sammy is now. His dad is talking with a nurse and Dean is to his side, playing with some cards.

"Hello Sam, I'm Aida, and I'll be your nurse." It was the nice nurse that was talking with his father. Sammy looks her and smiles her. "Ok, I talked with your father so now you have to go with me to a room so I can give you your first drugs. OK?" She said with a sweet voice trying to be warm with the new boy in the cancer ward.

Sam doesn't want to go alone, not without Dean. After the nurse said that he has to go with her, he tensed up and took his brother's hand. Dean grasps his hand and a walk with him following the nurse. He knows that Sam has to go alone this first time for some stupid test of drugs on his little body. The doctors have to know what the best drugs are for him, but Dean will wait outside the room, the possibility of him letting Sammy completely alone is never an option.

They stop in front of a big door, the nurse looks to Sam and takes his hand, and he tries to take Dean with him but Dean just lets him go with her.

Sammy wants to cry now, he is so scared, he wants his Dean, but Dean left him alone here. The nurse is pretty and very nice but she is not Dean. Sam is sobbing now.

"Oh Sam I know you are scare but your brother will be with you soon Ok? Now I need you to be quiet please." Aida says to Sam, she knows this is a nightmare for any kid, she has see some many kids that are sick and has see all the process, some get better and others don't have so much luck. Sam is new in this and the kind of cancer and all its complications makes him frailer.

Another nurse takes Sam's hands gently and waits until he stop shake. She held a needle and smiles warmly to him.

Sam just feels like a little bite in his wrists and then in his arms. After some minutes his vision gets blurry, the sounds are very low and his head is hurting.

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Dean and John are waiting outside the room. Have been just twenty minute since Sammy is in there but for them is an eternity, they want to take Sam to their house and forgetter all this, but Sammy has to be good first. 

They are in his feet in the minute that the door is opened. She tells them that all went fine and that Sam will be put in a room for start the seconds drugs. They walk inside the room and gasp to the view of a Sammy completely pale like a sheet and so broken. Dean takes his hand and gives it a light kiss gently trying not touching the IV's that are in both hands.

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John stood beside the doctor and stared at his son as he lay half conscious on the bed. Dean is to his side holding his hand and talking to him quietly. 

"So how many times does he have to do this, doc?" John asked, his eyes filled with dread.

"Well, we've set up a treatment plan for Sam that we think will be most beneficial to him. It is a little complicated but the general idea is that he will be taking five different pills at home everyday and coming into clinic three times a week for IV drugs, like the drugs he was given earlier today. There are also other less-frequent treatments. He will require subcutaneous injections once a week, which are shots. And during the month, he will receive intraventricular therapy twice, which goes directly into the spine, and the radiation. The first rounds will last six months, after which we'll reevaluate his circumstances."

John nodded blankly, his head spinning.

"Well, Mr. Winchester, as you observed today, the drugs are making Sam extremely weak and feel very sick. The most common side effects are weakness, fatigue, dizziness, headaches, nausea, hair loss, paleness. But we have good medications for nausea and vomiting."

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Dean watched with tears in his eyes as his father carried his little brother out of the car, Sam's body is slow and lethargic as John goes slowly up the path towards the house for not disturbs his son, Sammy's head lolling lifelessly around his father's shoulders, too weak to support himself. He was like a totally different person, just a few hours earlier he had been laughing and joking with him and now he was so weak to even walk from the car to his house, he was half conscious and he looked worse than he had ever seen him. He was allowed to go home after the chemo and it was just like suddenly all the life had been sucked from him… He blinked furiously; he couldn't let his father see him like this. He couldn't cry, he had to be strong for Sammy.

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TBC... 

How was that??


	5. 5 Dry and painful

Hello, thanks to my beta wow she is so fast and really good in thid job.jajaja. well here is the new chapter, I really hope is good.

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**Chapter 5. Dry and Painful**

Seven hours have passed since Dean and John have taken Sammy from the hospital to their new house. Sammy is in his room, which is between Dean's and John's room.

The new house is more spacious, it had a nice kitchen, a big living room and four bedrooms, they all have their own room, but Dean and John are going to take turns taking care of Sam during the night because John is worried about the nausea, fever and deep pain in middle of the night that Sam can experience. The ten year old boy has been sleeping all this time, and his temperature is beginning to climb, but nothing too serious. Dean is in his room, he is trying so hard not to cry, his little brother is so sick and he can barely open his eyes or breath, because the pain is always present. John is calling the pharmacy for Sam's prescriptions and asking for a delivery service since he is not willing to the house with Sammy in his weak state of semi-unconscious.

Sam's prescriptions and asking for a delivery service since he is not willing to the house with Sammy in his weak state of semi-unconscious.

Sam whimpered softly, his eyes fluttering open. "Where am I?" He moaned, still half asleep. He blinked a couple of times, struggling to take in his surroundings as a wave of panic washed across his face. Last time he checked he was in the hospital.

His breathing accelerated. "Daddy? ...Dean?" He called out suddenly, his voice gravitating towards fear.

Dean hurried to his side holding Sammy close as he struggled to stand on his own, his knees buckling weakly. "Is okay, Sam. You're home, Sammy" He said soothingly, rubbing his arm. It was his daddy, so everything must be okay.

Sam tried to nod. "Kay." He mumbled. His chest starting to hurt.

"Just relax, son. We've got you." John said softly.

Sam is tired, his head is hurting, his stomach is starting to churn and his vision is all blurry. His dad is touching his head, but he doesn't want anything on him, all his body is tired, the sheets make him feel very hot and at the same time he is feeling very cold.

Sam's face is bathed with sweat and he is breathing heavily, exhausted for the turning and stirring in the bed. Dean and John are at his side, watching as the boy squeezed his eyes shut, swaying dizzily and clutching at his stomach, trying to stand up.

John sat beside him, his expression worried. "Sammy, son, lie down" He told him, pulling back the blankets and arranging pillows.

Sam didn't seem to hear him. "Daddy...Why...is the room. ...spinning" He said softly. He brought a furiously shaking little hand

to his chest. "My chest"

"Dean, go down stairs and bring up the paper bag I put on the kitchen counter with Sam's meds are in it" John instructed, his eyes never leaving Sam's face as he stroked back his hair, his brows knit together in concern. ". . . And bring up a glass of water too" Dean walks out of the room hesitant to leave his baby brother.

Sam closed his eyes as a wave of nausea gripped him, his stomach rebelling as all his muscles tensed. Sweat beading on his forehead as he struggled to breathe through the pain. He can feel his father's hand rubbing his back softly and his soft gentle words of comfort whispering in his ears as he told him to breathe. Suddenly his stomach jolted violently causing him to lurch forward over the side and his father takes a trash can and put it in front of him, his head was throbbing, his chest is burning and his weak muscles protested as he breathed in shakily. He vomited for over three more minutes.

"Is okay son, just take a deep breath in and out, breathe through it Sammy" John is to his side rubbing his back gently. Dean came back with a glass of water and the medicines.

His stomach finally seeming to have subsided he let out an exhausted sigh, tears and sweat mingling on his young face as he leant back against the headboard, his whole body worn out and aching. His head was pounding and his pulse racing as he slowly breathed in and out willing the nausea to disappear. He couldn't help the tears rolling down his cheeks, he just felt so weak and everything felt like it was crashing down around him. His dad continued to rub his back softly and Dean was kneeling down by his bedside. He can't see Dean very well but he knows the voice of his big brother anywhere.

"Is okay little brother, can you drink any water?" He said offering the glass. Sammy nods his head weakly and Dean gives him some water. Sammy feels his father helping him to lie back down as he began to shiver, a sudden cold consuming him as he let the darkness wash over him, his eyelids slowly drooping shut as the sheer exhaustion took over him.

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So what??... 


	6. 6 Daddy

**Hello, Is me again I hope this chapter is good for you and well I'm so happy with my betta, she is so patience and nice with me.**

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**Two months later.**

It is a warm morning, summer was close, and for that John is thankful,

The warm summer air of the season can be really good for his baby boy who always is so cold and his shivers never stop not even when he is under five blankets and Dean or John are hugging him.

The last month and half has been hell for John, the chemo has hit Sam really hard, and Sammy is not the same anymore, his pale complexion makes him look almost like a ghost, his brown hair is tiny and fragile to the touch he can barely stand by himself because the dizziness, headache and pain in his joints make impossible for him get from the couch or the bed without help. It is because of that, that John is always carrying his child, the idea that his baby boy is in so much pain makes him feel like his heart is in his throat.

Now John is sitting at his bedside watching him sleep uneasily, pain written across his face. He and Dean had come close to tears when Sam couldn't stop the vomiting. His Sammy was so weak that he could barely hold his head up. John couldn't stand seeing him like this, so helpless and worn down.

He gently reached out and rested his hand on his son's forehead, relieved when it came back a normal temperature, Sammy has been having fevers for the last eight days, and the doctors had told him that this was normal but for John it was just another sign of the horrible pain that his baby boy is feeling.

John just wanted this all to go away and to go back to normal. Well normal would be the hunt, but for him be back to normal is go back to when

Sammy always says no, when Sammy can read a book, not when Dean is crying in the bathroom after his little brother left all his energy in the toilet for the dry heaving. John wants his Sammy to fight with him not a son that is all pale, bloodless and in constant pain and worrying about chemo and medication.

As Sam began to stir slightly in his sleep, John sat up looking down at him as he frowned and mumbled slightly in his sleep.

Sam turned slightly under the sheets before his heavy eyelids fluttered slowly open. He was hit by a headache that felt like all the marines were trying to kick a hole through his temples. His eyes felt heavy with fatigue and his whole body ached. He looked around, the room spinning as he struggled to get his bearings when he realized he was in his father's room. He frowned and closed his eyes again his stomach churning violently as he swallowed and breathed in shakily, praying he could keep hold of the contents of his stomach, not that there was anything, his appetite has been really bad, he can't eat anything too sweet, or too salty, just the bare rice, some compotes, some orange juice, and a horrible organic meal that his dad do for him are his new "favorite" food, because the ice cream, the bacon, sometimes the chocolate, the potatoes, the soups and even the vegetables make his stomach very angry.

Sam felt someone at his side that gently whispering to him and Sam immediately recognized his father's voice.

"Sammy, son, its okay baby. How are you feeling?" John asked softly, watching as his son breathed shakily, frowning in pain.

"Daddy?" Sammy barely says, daddy is a word that made its way back into Sammy's vocabulary when he is in one of his episodes of pain, dry heaving, fear, or anxiety.

Sam suddenly felt a familiar lurch in the pit of his stomach, he swallowed shuddering as his father quickly reached for the trash can by the bed and he leaned forward, violently heaving, this is a normal routine for them now. He could feel his father rubbing his back but he couldn't hear his words over the increasing buzzing in his ears. One more violent heave caused him to lurch forward again, still nothing coming from his stomach as he closed his eyes, exhausted to his very heart.

In the end Sam had managed to breathe deeply enough to steady himself and close his eyes, he collapsed back against his father who is putting a wet cloth to his forehead trying to refresh him.

John watched him worriedly, His son is getting worse, the doctors say that the tumor is not being affected; his son is losing the battle.

**Six hours later.**

Sammy now knows why he is so sick; one of his new friends in the hospital had told him. In the beginning Sam had tried to ask the nurses why they have to put so many needles in his arms and what radiotherapy was, and they just told him that he was sick and this was for the best. But Dannie, that is his friend's name, had told him why he was sick; Dannie was thirteen years old and has been sick since he had seven years old.

_When they where in one of the playrooms, when Sammy had to stay three days in the hospital because his blood counts was very low, Dannie had asked him what kind he has, and Sammy just said, "What do you mean?"_

_Dannie said "What kind of cancer? Don't worry you are new but all this will be normal for you in a couples of weeks"_

_Sammy just didn't understand. What was Dannie talking about? _

"_Cancer... What is cancer?" Sammy asked in a shy voice._

_Dannie looked him and nodded. "Well it is a sickness that attacks our body, what is your age?"_

"_I'm ten, why?" Sammy asked innocently._

_Ten? Well that explains it. He is just ten years old, he is still too little, Dannie said in his mind. "Well, I was seven when I got sick for the first time"_

_Dannie told Sam all about his chemo, his medicines, his nice nurse and his big brother who always has been with him, his parents that love him very much and his school, what cancer made his body sick, why he was bald and why both of them were so pale. Sammy was happy because he had a new friend but the word cancer was still in his mind._

_His dad and Dean weren't so happy when he asked them if what Dannie said to him was true, but a very brave John with his eyes all tearing told him in a soft voice that yes, it was true but that he was going to be ok. _

Now he is in his bed, watching his pillow and the browns lines of his hair that are scarce. In the last days his hair has stared to fall out, all this time Dean has told him that it was not big deal, but Sam really loves his hair, almost all the kids in the cancer ward are completely bald, and Sam really doesn't want to be like that. Being bald is for old people, and well, Dean always had tried to cut his hair and if Sammy is bald Dean will be happy.

Now, from thinking so hard his head is hurting again, this is familiar for him. Wake up with a headache, dry heaves, pain in his joints, blurry visions, cold in his bones, shivers in all his body. He wanted to prevent a horrible headache like last night, so Sam decided that he better go to his dad and ask him for one of the blue pills with funny name.

* * *

John is on the phone, when he hears little steps walking toward him. He really doesn't need to look to know who it is, he can recognize that step and that breathing any place. John says his good byes and hangs up the phone. He can't hear the steps anymore.

"Sammy? Son?" John decides that is better if he goes to where Sam is because his son can take almost an hour trying to walk from his bedroom to the living room.

"Daddy?" Sammy's tiny voice is almost a whisper but John can hear it." Daddy?"

For John, that word, Daddy, means everything, Sammy, love, hope, pain, fear; but pain and fear are the most constant in his baby boy lately.

John reaches for his son who is sitting in the middle of the stairs.

"Hey Sammy, what is it?" John tries his best not to show how hurt he is for all this.

Sam looks at him with a frown while his hands are in his temples, and John just knows that his son is having one of his painful headaches.

"Daddy, my head hurt, do you have one of those blue pills?" Sammy asks him showing pain in his voice. "They make pain all better".

"Baby, let's go to your bedroom so you can lie down. Dean is at the store picking up your medicines ok? He will be here soon". John carries his boy gently to his room and lays him in the bed, when he touches the pillow he can feel his son's hair in the fabric, Dean had told him about Sam losing his hair in the shower and in his pillows, that was something that everyone knew would happen, but for John it is so soon.

Sam whimpers and now is almost crying because his head is hurting really bad, the nausea is back and his wrists are in pain again, and John is trying to calm him down. He takes him in his arms and rocks him until his boy is in a weak and troubled sleep; at moments like this John ask himself if God hates him, because Sammy is barely ten years old, he is so innocent, so pure and so young, and it is impossible for a boy like him to be in so much pain. When Sammy is crying out loud because the throbbing in his wrist and knees are so bad, John cries with him, when Sammy pass out from the stress, John wishes he could make a deal with some demon so his baby boy is out of this hell. But he knows that he needs to be there. To love and be there for both of his boys, because Sammy barely knows what is happening around him, but Dean is seeing how his baby brother is fading slowly and painfully from him.

So how was that?


	7. 7 Smiles and Dreams

**Hello, here is, is me again, Thanks to my Beta. I hope is good. Enjoy.**

**A week later.**

Sam just finished one of his usual exams today, no needles this time and for that he was grateful, he hates the needles and no matter how sweet and nice the nurse are with him, he is never going to like that horrible things in his body, but unfortunately for him, all that wires and IVs he has are always a constant these days, but Dean always tells him that he is a brave boy and that all the candies and ice cream will be for him when his stomach stop being so angry. Sometimes it feels good that Dean and his father are treating him like a child again.

He quickly finished tying the shoelaces on his blue Nike sneakers which have Spiderman in them, grabbed his Spiderman bag and headed out the swinging doors. He remembered when he begged his father for the Spiderman gear; he thought they would make him stronger like Spiderman. Dean told him he was stronger than Spiderman. Sam yanked himself back to reality as he stepped into the hall short of breath; he spotted his father and brother sitting on a green plastic chair waiting patiently for him while flipping casually through a magazine.

"Dad! Dean" Sam hailed as he approached his father and older brother.

"I'm done changing."

"That was fast. You ready to go?" Dean said gathering their coats.

"Yeah."

They walked to the out-patient nurse's station and awaited the clerk to hand them forms to complete.

"You know Sammy; you've become a favorite among the nurses." Dean spoke with teasing tone. John smiled.

"Oh great, that's only because I've become somewhat of a regular here. They're used to seeing my face. It's no big deal. And don't tease me with that" Sam replied humbly.

To this John and Dean smiled, it was good have a Sam is a good mood, this is his first day free of chemo for six days, there will be no chemo but the medicines are going to be taken normally. For this week John is thinking of taking his sons to Pastor Jim's place, the man is a good friend and

Sammy will be able to really rest there. He was really grateful for this week, his baby boy needed a rest from all the treatment, his son had become so weak and lethargic in the last months and it was slowly killing him.

"Dad?" Dean's voice breaks John's thoughts.

"Yes son?" John asks while he takes his younger son's hand to cross the street toward the car.

"Will we go to Pastor Jim?" To this Sam frowns and looks to his father.

"Do you want to go there?" John wants to know because Dean has been really quiet these days.

"Yes it could be good" Dean says shrugging. He looks towards his little brother who is smiling at him, seeing Sammy smile has become something very strange because he always is crying or asleep or half conscious on the couch or his bed. Dean returns the smile.

John nods to his son and looks Sam who is smiling; well a good smile can be the best thing sometimes.

"Daddy, can I have an ice cream, please? I was very brave today and I don't want that nasty soup" Sam ask his father making that face that makes him the sweet boy he was before this mess occurred, how can you say no to a boy so sweet and manipulative, yes manipulative because Sam knows the power that his green, puppy dog eyes and his innocent smile have on the people.

John just couldn't refuse, "Yes Sammy, after your painkillers okay?"

And Dean just laughs.

* * *

The nightmare plagues his dreams; he turns in the bed, that bad dream had been with him for a long time now. 

_The massive silhouette of a man chased Sam down dark corners of a deserted street. Sam pounded frantically on doors and called out desperately for his father and his brother but no one answered. He glanced over his shoulder and the figure still loomed behind him encompassed in the darkness. _

_There was no time to lose. He had to keep moving. He tried to run as fast as histired legs could carry him but his legs felt like rubber bands. His attempt to escape the shadows was in vain. The faster he ran, the closer the figure got. Fear filled his body and soul. He called out for his father. _

_"Dean! Daddy!! Dad!!" he screamed in horror. "Dad! Dean!"_

_But the only thing he heard was the amplified pulsations of his heartbeat echoing in the darkness. He stopped running to catch his breath. _

_With hands on his knees, he puffed as sweat dripped from his temples to the ground. A sound of leaves rustling caught his attention and he raised his head. The shadow suddenly appeared in the distance and Sammy ran. He turned into an alley and panicked when he realized it was dead end. He tripped on his own feet and landed sprawled on his stomach. He turned around to face the dark shadow. The shadow was a mass of darkness with the shape of a man but had no human features._

_"What do you want from me?!?! My dad and my brother will be very mad at you" Sammy hollered. The shadow gave no answer. It silently threatened _

_Sam. "Leave me alone! Please" Sam sobbed._

_The shadow reached down and yanked Sam's arm sending a stab of pain to his chest. _

And with that, Sam woke from his dream in a cold sweat. His heart raced and goose bumps crawled under his skin. The dream was so real he could've sworn he actually felt the pain lingering in his arm and back as he sat on his bed. He was still shivering from being frightened so terribly. His eyes darted across his room searching for the massive shadow but it was nowhere to be found. It was impossible to go back to sleep. His room was supposed to be the most comforting place on earth because it belonged to him, but somehow, he did not feel safe anymore. He wants his big brother, Dean always make everything less scary.

* * *

"Dean?" Sam called softly as he stood at the foot of his brother's bed. Dean stirred. "Dean?" Sammy repeated.

"Sammy?" Dean asked as he sat up. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I know this sounds silly, but can I sleep here tonight? I had an awful dream."

"Sure. Hop in." Dean welcomed as he pushed back the heavy blanket to make room for his little brother. Sammy crawled onto the bed as his brother tucked him in under the thick covers. Facing his big brother with wide-eyes, he watched Dean pull the covers up to his neck.

"Are you ok?" Dean asked while he touches his forehead

"Yea - I think so." Sam answered. "Thanks."

"It's okay. Don't be afraid. I'll destroy any monsters that come into your dreams. They'll have to answer to me before they can harm you." Dean declared.

Eventually feeling safe, Sam drifted back into his slumber. Dean knew sleep was out of the question for the rest of the night. He guarded his brother with a vengeance - making sure no more morbid dreams tormented his head. Sammy's nightmares were gone and he slept quietly until dawn, giving his big brother a calmer peace of mind.

**TBC**


	8. 8 Not so bad

Hello well here is the new chapter, thanks so much for the reviews

**Thanks so much to my beta because she is really good in this, and well she made some parts here so thanks so much.**

**

* * *

****Two days later, Pastor Jim's house.**

Sam opened up his eyes when he felt something on his shoulder.

_No._

He was too tired to get up and he let himself fall backwards on his bed. Here he was on a free day sleeping or at least trying and wishing for the pain in his chest to stop, he is in bed while other kids are playing some kind of game and enjoying the sweetness of the summer. There was something seriously wrong with that picture. He was supposed to be the homebody working on his school projects a month before they are needed, but not today or anytime soon.

Sam had to get up to use the bathroom. He hopes his dad or Dean are not in there or near because they will ask him questions that were worse to him than intravenous chemotherapy.

He wasn't allowed to have an inch of privacy with his big brother, his father, all of the doctors, nurses, surgical techs, and other medical staff poking and prodding and asking him personal questions about his body and its functions or lack of them.

Sam suppressed the urge to go the bathroom as he saw his new black Ace comb shining in the glow of the sunlight; he slowly picked it up and started to comb the last part of his hair. When the clump of hair stuck into the comb he dropped it into the sink.

He was expecting this. He knew this could happen because of Dannie, but he didn't want it to happen to him, it was just his curly, brown hair, nothing important_. Yeah right_. He said in his mind

_NO._

_NO._

Sam sat on the floor with his back against the door, and put his hands over his face, and cried.

That's how Dean found him five minutes later when he had to use the bathroom. His baby brother just couldn't die; this is slowly killing him, all that drugs and injections are causing him too much pain. He walked toward him and hugged him.

"Is ok Sammy, is just hair, and is ok Sammy". Dean said trying to calm him. "It's just hair; it'll grow up again after you get better. Okay?"

_After you get better_. Dean has tried really hard not to think of the other possibilities, his brother is going to be okay, and the option of a life without his Sammy was inconceivable.

Sammy cried in his chest, big sobs could be heard, and his body rocked with his cries.

Sam couldn't stop crying. And his soft tears eventually put him to sleep, a deep restless sleep. Dean stayed with his brother, took him to bed when he cried himself to sleep. Dean put his head closer to his brother and whispered soft comforting words to his brother.

"Its okay baby brother, I'm here, it's all going to be okay. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you forever" Dean closes his eyes and let's his dreams take him away, away from Sam's illness and pain. A place where Sam's childhood innocence hasn't been tainted by the pain of cancer and chemotherapy. This was Dean's happy place, and he wanted to stay forever.

**Three hours later.**

Dean ran down the stairs when his father came home from town. John took off his jean jacket and was placing it on the living room sofa when Dean came down the stairs.

John couldn't help thinking of the worst-case scenario.

"Dad? It's ok. I'm glad you are home; we need to talk in the kitchen"

**The Next Morning.**

_Sammy,_

_We think you'__re as beautiful without hair, as you were with hair. _

_We hope you still believe that you are too._

_Love,_

_Dad and Dean._

It was written in his father's neat cursive writing on the small white card that was attached to the small box.

It was with a shaky hand that Sam opened up the gift.

It was a light tan knit cap.

Part of him loved it. He loved that his family cared about him and were all very supportive and a part of him hated it because his hair fell out and he had to hide that fact. Granted, the hats were quite the look now amongst the young, cool people, but Sam never liked to follow the trends he liked to set them like Dean. And he did have a hat like this in a sandy beach color that one of his Dean's three-day girlfriends's swiped off his head and never gave back.

He put on his cap and watched more hair fall on his powder blue colored t-shirt.

It was then that Dean walked in. It was going to be another long day of medicine, vitamins, iron pills, eating every cancer center approved menu item that his father and now Pastor Jim made for him. At least today wasn't a chemo day. Maybe, he'd pick up one of his book. Something he hadn't done since the first night in the hospital.

"Good morning, Sammy"

"Morning, Dean" Sammy did his best to smile, "Thanks for the cap"

Dean was a good brother. And his father was a good father

He loved those guys.

* * *

"Look Sam we made it all ourselves" Dean called out happily when he saw his brother walking into the kitchen.

Startled Sammy stopped in his tracks. He stared at the lovingly set breakfast table. All his favorite food was there.

"Wow, it looks great" Sam said in surprise. He knew Dean couldn't cook; he was the only person in the world who could burn boiled eggs.

"It was all my idea" Dean beamed with joy. "And Dad and Pastor Jim helped"

"But it still tastes good. Don't worry" Jim laughed.

Since John called to tell him about Sam's illness his heart has been suffering for the child, Sammy was just a kid; he has heard both John and Dean cries during the nights while trying to calm Sam during one of his bouts of pain. Jim can't cure him physically but he can help this family in an emotional way. When he looks to Sammy, he sees a pale and lethargic person; nothing compared to the energetic and smart boy at he knew before.

"Are you hungry?" Dean asked excitedly.

"A little" Sam lied and gave a warm smile

Then he sat down next to he older brother and took some of the food. He tried to ignore his nausea and concentrated on enjoying the breakfast.

"You don't have to eat all of it. We just thought we make as much as possible, so you can chose whatever you like" John told him sympathetically. He knew Sam was only eating because he didn't want to disappoint them. That he wanted to be strong for them. And John was okay with that because if Sam didn't do that for them he would do it at all.

**TBC**


	9. 9 BitterSweet

**Ok...thanks to my wonderful beta she is a great help. And thanks to all that read this and I'm glad that there people that review this story.**

**Chapter 9.**

**Pastor Jim' house. A day later.**

There used to be a time when Dean Winchester anticipated summer. It meant no school for three months. No worries about being sent to remedial Calculus by his Nazi of a teacher, Mrs. Natcher, no comparing his answers to what his more academic minded brother was writing in his notebook who was four years younger than him, and no having to get up at seven in the morning.

Cool guys did not stop until they were done rocking the town inside out and they never did their homework assignments.

It was a win-win. But that was a pre-cancer life, a life Dean Winchester no longer had, cancer took away Dean's lazy day and bought made him see the real world before he was ready too.

In this summer everything has changed, and everything could go wrong, and is going wrong. The summer vacation, where Dad wouldn't ask for directions and Sammy would get angry at him wanting to stop every five miles to use the rest room in a properly cleaned and sanitized rest area. Where Sam would want to play license plate bingo with the "couldn't be bothered" too grow up Dean. In this summer vacations, his brother, his baby brother, his Sammy, is suffering, is fading away from him, there times when Sam is practically passed out in the bed or in the couch that Dean thinks that everything is getting worse, nothing is working, not the chemo, not the medicines, nothing is helping his baby brother, all the pain and hell have been useless. And Sam didn't deserve that, his family didn't deserve that, they suffered enough and they needed to be happy.

But now Dean was beside his sick little brother, this is one of those days when

Sammy can smile and play some game with him. This is one of these days that seem almost normal for Dean. But it wasn't normal and would never be until Sammy gets over the hand god dealt him.

Dean watched as Sam tried to get comfortable on the couch without making his back or chest hurt, he hated seeing him like this. He just couldn't see him making any improvements and it was breaking him inside.

"You okay?" He asked softly as John and Jim argued in the background about where to go, the park or the lake.

Sam smiled weakly and nodded.

"I'm alright just tired" He said and Dean smiled at him touching one his pale cheeks.

Sam lay back against the couch and sighed, his head was pounding and the eternal pain in his chest and back were constantly irritating him and now there are new ones, in his feet and hips, every time he breathed there was that same tickle in his body. But still, he felt better than he had in a long time because he was skipping chemo this week and that was a relief. He had had rough months, being here in Jim's place is the best, because he can forget a little about his sickness and the pained faces of his father and brother, he hated the looks they gave him, he was hurting but he didn't want them feeling sorry for him. That was the worst part. Dean has told him that this would take a long time, but being stuck in the hospital made him feel like everything was so dark in his life and all the pain and screams that come from him made his family break inside. They pitied him, that hurt worst.

He looked across at Dean as he laughed seeing his father and Pastor Jim argue and Sam smiled slightly. He was just glad he had him through all of this. He didn't know what he'd do without him.

**Forty five minutes later. Blue Garden Park.**

"No, no wait, put your hand up higher and keep it straight"

Dean said taking Sam's fragile arm and holding it higher whilst he gripped the basketball and giggled. John and Jim watched off the court with an amused expression as Dean tried to get Sammy to score at least one shot. Sam giggled.

"Is this it?" Sam asked holding up his arm, the ball teetering dangerously on his palm. John laughed as Dean wrapped an arm around Sam's waist, his other hand directing the arm.

"Keep your back straight but bend your knees" Dean said as Sam leant against him, trying not to laugh.

"Okay Dean" Sammy said with a raspy voice.

After a long conversation between John and Jim, they decided take the boys to the park. It was a very sunny day, and being trapped in the house would be a crime in Dean's book, besides it could be really good for Sammy who has been feeling really well in this last days, it was comforting for John to know that his little son is having a good time and have been smiling more often, but he knows very well that this is just a transient moment, because in just three days everything will be back to the hard normalcy of the treatment.

Even with the bright sun and humid weather, Sammy need his coat because of his shivers, he is wearing the new blue bandanna that Dean gave him and his cap.

John carried Sam's medicines, some juices, water and antibacterial wipes with him, John knew very well Dean as well as Sammy are always in some mess and it is better be safe than sorry now in Sam's current state.

After a long game between Sam and Dean, both decided stop, Sam was already tired and Dean could see that he was barely standing.

"Hey Sammy I want some ice cream what do you say?" Dean asked gently.

"Ok Dean, But…Can I eat it now? ...I mean my medicines? Sammy said.

"Come on it is ok; your medicine is in the noon and is almost the ten o'clock in the morning" Dean answered, he takes his brother's thin hand and walked toward the ice-cream parlor that was in the other side of the park. While they walked John keep an eye on them.

Dean could feel some people watching them as they entered the ice-cream parlor, he hated when his little brother was the center of attention because of his illness, sometimes the people acted like if he was the first kid in the entire world in develop cancer, they see his Sammy like some phenomenon and always give them that pity look which Dean hated so much. Sam doesn't seem affected by this, but he probably acts like that so Dean doesn't have to kill someone for make his baby brother feel abnormal.

"Hello, good morning. What can I do for you?" A nice red-haired and young waitress asks Dean.

Dean smiles warmly and squeezes Sam's hand.

"Yea thanks…uh four Ice cream cones please?" Dean says in a bring tone and Sam just knows that his big brother is trying to attract this young ugly haired and yucky waitress. God he hates when Dean is all pretentious with the girls.

Heidi, that's the waitress's name, walked toward the counter.

"Ok, what kind do you want?" Her voice is gently and all the time has been looking Dean to the eyes.

"Uh…chocolate, strawberry, orange and vanilla, please, and can you give extra portion of peanut but not in the vanilla?" Dean knows that his brother can't eat the peanuts now, his teeth and throat are very sensible.

When Dean handed the ice cream to Sam, he could see the light return in his

Brother's eyes, that itself can melt the most cold heart in the world.

"Thanks Dean" Sammy said with a smile.

"Ok get back to dad and Pastor Jim before they get all worried for us, little guy" Dean says as they walked out of there.

As they walked out of the parlor Dean can hear voice inside the place.

""_Mommy why is he so white?"_

"_Carla, shh, don't ask that. Ok? Jut stay away from them"_

"_But mommy"_

"_It is the best, Carla"_

And Dean just want to run in there and scream and yell at them, but that will be a waste of his time, some people can't really see what is happening, many people just think of themselves and their own needs and all the unknown is unnecessary to them. It is Sam who is sick, Sam who cries almost every night when the pain wins and the medication is not enough for his body, Sam who has to have two needles in every arm in his chemo session' Sam who is suffering. And those can just wonder to themselves, because a sick pale boy is not anthrax. Dean just wished they would stop treating Sam like that.

TBC.


	10. 10 Promise

**Thanks so much to all who review and to all who read this. Sorry for this late update.**

**Thanks to my Beta ****Still Awesome2009.**

**Chapter Ten.**

**Three Days Later.**

They are back in their house. The free week is over and Sam has to get back for his new round of chemotherapy in two days. The journey in car was pleasant and Sam and Dean didn't bicker like they did before their lives went straight to hell.

New books and games were bought for a very anxious Sammy, but Dean and John doubted that he would even be up to reading them after his session in the hospital.

Sam has been feeling a little off. His left arm was a little numb and his legs feel kind of funny, but he is happy because the last days has been really good and his family has been very calmed down and stopped worrying, his father was smiling and his brother could have a good time with some girls, his usual.

Dean is making everything possible and even the impossible so his baby brother would be fine. He'd wake up in the middle of the night and check on him. He'd buy him cartoon movies, he'd clean his bed, he'd bought him more Pillows and some nice hats and of course kicks the ass of anyone that looks or talked bad about his little brother. He already has had problems with some guys in Pastor Jim's town with some boys in a store close to their house when he and Sam were buying some gum and candy.

For John his smile faded as he realized his baby boy was about to go through hell again. He knows that the chemotherapy is a necessary evil, but still it hurt so much to see his baby in a bed with needles in his arms and wrists and short of breath. He just prays that his boy can survive. He knows that many children with tumors don't survive because their body can't fight the stress.

Dean is walking toward his brother bedroom; his brother has been sleeping for almost four hour and is time for his medicine.

"Sammy?" No answer.

"He must be sleeping" He took off his blue and black sneakers, opening the door he noticed that Sam wasn't in his bed.

Well, at least he wasn't rummaging through the trash or attempting to clean his dad's library, Dean thought, noticing something sticky on the floor.

_What in the world_? Dean went by the bed. His heart skipped a beat there was a trail of vomit from Sam's bed to where it stopped before the closet door.

"Sam"

Dean tried to remain calm. He didn't want to worry his dad. It didn't take long before Dean found Sammy lying on the floor, drenched in sweat, and slightly moaning.

His pajamas were vomit stained and there was blood on the floor and his chin.

"Sammy" Dean laid him on his back, "Oh my God! Sammy, you are burning up" He said touching his forehead.

He made sure there was no vomit still in his mouth, "I'm going to get Dad, okay?"

The only thing that reassured Dean Winchester was a small blink from his brother as his moans got progressively weaker.

Dean raced to the living room where his father was.

"DAD!, something is wrong, its Sammy" Dean's panicked words gained the instant attention of his father.

"Dean, what is it?" John questioned to his oldest son, having already leapt from the couch and following Dean. He was determined to keep his fear at bay until he had further information. _Please God let him be ok….my baby my baby_.

"I don't know what wrong. He is throwing up, and is not answering" Dean said fearfully and closes to tears.

A feeling of dread came over John. They had lived many painful moments with Sam and this illness and now seeing his son so panicked and scared.

On entering the room John could see the horrible scene.

"Sammy! Sam, can you hear me?"

He began to examine his son to see to see if he was wounded. Upon touching his forehead he felt his temperature was very high and watched his unfocussed eyes. It was when he saw the drops of blood in the pajamas and in his nose that

John realizes that this is not just one of the effects of the chemotherapy. So he decides to call an ambulance.

Dean stared at John with a broken face. He turned one washcloth into a cold compress for Sam's forehead.

Sam was in the floor sitting in John's lap his head resting in his father's shoulder with his eyes half closed and his breathing a little ragged, suddenly he feels a burning in his stomach.

"S-sick" Sam started slowly, but was determined to pull himself up.

Dean continued to watch John grab the small wicker wastebasket and dump all of the contents on the floor with one hand so that Sam wouldn't have to reach for the toilet. The other arm around his son.

"Aww, my sweet baby. Let it out, you'll feel better"

"But...- I alre…ady thre …ew up in my …ro—om and in the toilet and that…that didn't make me…¦. - feel –better" Sam managed to say to his dad. His head is pounding, he couldn't feel his legs, his vision is blurred, his right arm and chest are hurting, and he can taste something metallic in his mouth.

"I know that baby" John says as he checks his son's temperature again. "I'm very worried about this fever. Dean, can you make another cold compress? It's the best we can do until the ambulance gets here"

"Yeah Of course" Dean grabbed a fresh white washcloth from the small iron rack that was by the bathtub and went to drench it in the coldest water that would come out of the faucet. He was trying not to think, his baby brother was not in a bathroom floor with fever and throwing up blood. His Sammy will be fine.

"It's going to be okay, Sammy" John kissed his head. "I promise nothing bad is going to happen to you. I promise" He knew he shouldn't have been making such a promise, but no father in his right mind would not be anything but optimistic. It was his son who is sick so he will say and does anything it takes to makes him feel better, secure and happy.

Dean can't control it anymore and his tears falls. After his father promised that, he understood that it's not going to be ok, Sammy is not ok, this situation is not ok, how can his father promise something like that when neither one of them, John or Dean, could make Sammy feel better.

TBC.


	11. 11 Weak

**Ok the end is close, just four more chapter and this srory will be completed.**

**Thank you very much Still Awesome2009.**

**Chapter 11.**

**Four hours later. St. Jude Children's Hospital**

"Right now we are trying to get his fever down, and control the nausea. Sam is half conscious, we gave him some painkillers but still he feels a little of pain, he is on oxygen but is breathing in his own" The Doctor is trying to say this in the most gentle, but realistic way. The two men in front of him are barely holding on, the doctor knows how a father can suffer when his son is in this kind of pain, and in a brother it's devastating, this situation, but in the Winchester's situation all this is more heavy. "The tumor is attacking, the cancer has spread to his lung and completely through his stomach, and his heart is being stress, because of that he was feeling pressure in his left arm and in his chest. The only option now is surgery, this won't get the entire tumor out but we hope that will help to prevent the cancer to spread more to places like the bones or in the brain, if this happens, well, the cancer, the cancer cannot be stopped"

At this the two Winchester stopped breathing, if the cancer can't be stopped that means that their Sammy can't get better, that Sammy will die. A life with an anxious, sometimes rebellious, peculiar, sweet and geeky Sammy was a perfect life, a life with a sick, pale and thin Sammy was just surviving, but a life without Sammy was death, hell, it was the end of their reason for life. It may sound selfish, but it is the true, John and Dean has lost all of their normal life after Mary died, the possibilities of be a complete family was over, but with Sam both of them feel a connection with that life that was destroyed, Sam is the only thing pure and fully innocent in their lives.

No father should see his own child suffer and slip away in the way that John is seeing his little boy. No father should bury his child. Just the idea makes John cry even more.

"Can we see him?" Dean's voice is gruff. He can barely talk without suppressing a sob. "He hates being alone. Please, I want to see Sammy" Dean is sobbing and his father's arms wrap him in a half hug.

The doctor just nods and walks them to Sam's room in the children's cancer ward.

Not bothering to say anything else, Dean practically stormed into Sam's room, only to stop dead in his tracks at the sight of his baby brother.

Sam was paler that ever, a cannula in his nose that makes him look more fragile and thin, he was hooked up to even more monitors surrounding his bed than before. He was sleeping but the distress was evident in his face.

"God, Sammy." John whispered behind Dean. He pulled a chair close to his son's bed and took a seat. He absentmindedly dried his eyes with the sleeves of his long jacket, Dean did the same. He can't see us crying.

Choking down a sob that was threatening to escape him, John grasped Sam's hand and held onto it tightly. "Hey, son. Don't you dare give up now. Your brother and I still need you. I need you." He added, his voice soaked with despair. A single tear ran down his face.

Dean is in a trance, he is trying to understand that this is his baby brother and he is NOT dead, he WILL live and Dean like a big brother should will make his brother stronger and happy. He takes Sam's other hand and rub his thumb slowly and gently. He clears his throat and with a take of breath he says.

"Hey, Sammy. Little brother, I know you just sleeping so you can hear me...Sammy you have to be ok, you are my little brother and well, who is going to tell me how much I suck at being a student, huh? Who is going to make sure that Dad is getting some real food every once in a while, instead of only pizza or burned meat loaf?" Dean's tears are washing his face. The agony inside him is evident and he just stopped talking because strong sobs filled his body.

* * *

He could hear voices, soft murmurs that sounded far away. He frowned and tried to focus in on the sound as it seemed to get louder, the soft voices talking above him. He swallowed thickly and found his throat dry and sore, his whole body felt heavy and numb but at the same time he could feel the cold in his bones. He suppressed a shiver and tried to find his way out of the darkness, trying to find out what was happening. As his senses gradually became sharper he was aware of someone stroking his hand softly. He could hear the voices again and he struggled to open his heavy lids.

Sam slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times, squinting against the bright lighting above. He swallowed again with difficulty, the voices now coming into focus. His vision fuzzy and his chest burning.

"Dad?" He asked, his voice raspy and barely audible, it was then that he realized he was lying down. He was in a room, multiple IVs stuck in his arms and his dad at his bedside with Dean sitting on the other side.

His father smiled down at him and squeezed his hand gently.

"What happened?" He asked softly. All he could remember was an intense pain in his left side that woke him up out of his restless sleep and a blinding headache.

"You passed out baby, but just relax and rest ok?" His father said soothingly.

Dean smiled sadly and rubbed the side of his cheek gently with his hand. Sam looked to his brother through tired eyes and smiled weakly at him.

TBC...


	12. 12 Here

**All the mistakes are mine because my beta can't do the job anymore because she is too busy, so sorry, if someone want to help, Thanks.**

**The end of this story is close.**

**Please review if you want but if are flames, well be nice and** **not so rough.**

**Chapter 12.**

**One**** week later. St. Jude Children's Hospital**

Explain to Sam what was happening was harder that John thought it would be. After his son wake up, he was half conscious because of the medicine; Sam was completely drugged and couldn't stay awake for long period of time. But three days later he began to make question about why he was still in the hospital, why his dad talked so much with the doctors and why all his body hurt specially his chest. This last question always made John's breathless, he knew his son could be in more pain that before but now is a nightmare that not even in his worst dreams appeared, his baby boy is so sick that the only way that he could get any rest was sedate him because the painkiller and the codeine wasn't working anymore. The pain in Sam's body was so big that he could barely moves his hands, feets or raises his head.

John was in front of his son's room. The window in the right side of the door allowed seeing the prone image of a hairless Sam whose face was completely white, his eyelids were almost purple, his cheekbones, collarbone, pelvis and ribs were very protruding; wires connected to almost every part of his fragile and skeletal body. Dean was sitting in the comfortable couch that was in front of the bed.

"Hey son. How is he?" John asked to his oldest son in a soft vice when he was inside. Sam's slumber was very easy of interrupt these days. Dean looked from the magazine he was reading and smiled sadly to his father.

"The same. The nurses had to give him some more Codeine because he couldn't support the pain in his left side" Singles tears were close to falling form Dean's eyes. "He was short of breath so they put him in some oxygen again"

John saw the despair that was eating his oldest child. He walked toward Dean and enveloped in a hug. Dean sobbed harder in his father shoulder. John touched his head.

"Dean, son. Why don't you go to the house and get some rest, ok?" John knew his son would say no but Dean was exhausted and close to collapse. If one of them gets sick the doctors wouldn't let him stay close Sam.

Dean shocked his head in his father shoulder.

"Son. Listen. You are tired and the best is go to home, eat some food, have a nice sleep and be free from this hospital." John said gently.

"No I want to be with Sammy" Dean said in a muffled voice.

John took Dean's face in his hands. "Dean, if you don't rest you'll get sick, and if you get sick you can't be near Sam" That got Dean's attention. "If you get sick Sammy won't be able to see you because he can catch any infection and even a simple cold is dangerous for him. Now go to home and get back later".

At the mention of not see Sammy, Dean decided go to the house and try to rest but he knew that sleep was not part of the plan because every time he closed his yes, Dean could see his little brother's pale face and blood in all his clothes.

John sat close to Sam's bed and holds his hand. His son was so pale and still under all of the equipment that he didn't even appear to be living, but the machines beeping around him show that he was alive and breathing.

John was still having troubles trying to understand that his baby son was so sick and fragile that a nasal cannula was needed for support his breathing. Sam was sleeping most of the time; the pain was so unmanageable that the doctor had to sedate him so he could rest. When he was not sleeping, Sam would be gasping for air because his lungs were very weak or trying to control the tremor in his body.

John was startled when Sam's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Daddy?" Sam's yes were closed but his hand was trying to squeeze his father's. "Dean"

John took a deep breath, wiped his eyes and forced a smile.

"Hey baby. Is me, Dad. Dean is not here ok. He'll be back soon." Lately John is amazed with himself. He had become a tender, sensitive and patient father. He forget how kiss, be affectionate and talk with his sons. A couple of months ago he still was a hard and stoic man who never looked for his son well being in the right way. Now John loved be near both of his kids, hug them and talk to them. He finally understood that Mary died but he was still alive and his children too, and because of that he should be with them not matter what and that they were his first priority. Is sad that was necessary for Sam get this sick so John could wake up and see the horrible mistake that he was making letting the hunt blind him and forget about the most important thing, his family.

"Hey, Sammy. Are you cold?" He asked because Sam was shivering slightly.

Sam moved his lips in a weakly "No". Sam intended to talk but his throat wasn't cooperating.

Sam was ten years old. He was an active, smart, tender, responsible and very curious boy. He loved read, go to school and play with his brother. He really didn't like hunting to much but it was a little funny when any monster was attacking him. He loved his brother and his father. He knew that Dean loved him because his big brother always was taking care of him, he and Dean were alone almost all the time and he felt safe when the older boy was near him. But he knew that his father loved him because he was sure that in his dad's heart he was a good man that just wanted them to be safe. Sam knew many things. And now he knew that his father and brother were suffering. Sam knew that they cried almost all the time. He felt somehow guilty because his father and Dean were not the kind of person who cried for simple things. He wanted to fight, he was trying to fight but his body was just too weak and he just could sleep. His father always was traveling, going to hunts and they were always moving from one town to other, but since he got sick his father was always in home, no talking about some hunt they were living for now six months in the same house and his father bought a nice and warm house leaving the cold, dirty and cheap hotels behind. Sam smiled, he was a little happy his dad was with him and they have an own house.

John saw his son weakly smile. "What is so funny that you're smiling?" His son's bloodless lips moved slightly.

"Nothing, Daddy" Sam smiled again, now more brightly. "Happy you're here" He coughed and the tremors made his body. He cried out when his chest stared to hurt again.

Seeing this John put his hand in his son's face trying to calm him down while his other hand was pressing the call button. "Ssshh, baby. Try to breathe Sammy" Sam grasped weakly one of his hands in his father's shirt. John rubbed his son's forehead and whispering comforting words.

Finally the nurse entered the room and seeing the scene she knew what was happening, she put the sedate in the IV and checked the monitors, took Sam's temperature, wrote in the chart and silently made her way out of the room.

John barely saw what the nurse did all his attention focused in his son's troubled form. After some minutes the sedative made effect, Sam calmed down closed his eyes and drifted to a new induced but needed slumber. John wiped gently the few tears that ran for his baby's face early. He stayed at his son's bedside caressing his face and prying that the surgery and new treatment could help his baby boy.

TBC...

Next chpater come the surgery and some drama.


End file.
